Wow, it's been awhile.

Uhm.. what to say. Haha. Alot's gone on, really. I moved into the new apartment.. that was an adventure.

Uhm.. I'll be having surgery on my ears. They found out that I'm going deaf alot quicker then they thought, so to try and save my ears with what little time they have left they're giving me a cochlear implant. It's so scary to me. Not the thought of getting my hearing back, just the thought of surgery itself. The thought of letting them put me under, cut into my head and mess around. It's just terrifying. I know they do their jobs well and have done them many times, but until you're in my situation, you won't understand. If you've had surgery, then you know very well what I'm going through. It's a terrifying experience, really. But I know I'll go through with it, I want to hear again. You don't realize what you have until you lose it. I miss hearing the birds chirp, I miss being able to talk without focusing on someones lips. You know, talking while watching a movie, whispering. If my lover or significant other whispers something in my ear, I actually have to pull back and ask them to repeat it louder. Kinda ruins the moment, ya know? I miss talking on the phone, hearing my friends voices. I have friends all across the world, but I can't hear them. It's upsetting...

Anyway.

I'm back in school again. It's so stressful it's not even funny. I'm in four online courses. Newswriting & Reporting, Computer Programming, Astronomy, and Career Planning. Career Planning doesn't start until October, so I'm fine on that one. Newswriting is actually very, very fun. VERY demanding, but fun. For that class, I had to write 3 500+ word debate posts for a forum, MINIMUM. 3 250+ word comments on other students debate posts, MINIMUM, a 1500 word essay, and read about 35 pages. Thats just ONE WEEK. and it gets worse every week. For computer programming, I had to read 25 pages, answer 15 questions and do an essay. Not that bad. For Astronomy, I get a quiz of 50 questions, a chapter review of 50 questions, a film to watch and 50 questions on it, and 100 questions of homework, and a 50 page chapter in and of itself to read. WOW. As if thats not enough...

That teacher hates me. He's out to get me, I swear. First, he doesn't use the normal school website. No, he has to use something called WebAssign where they charge you $35 to get in. Okay, not bad, I know, you get a deal with the code for the site (to get in) and the book needed for the class for $60. Now I needed that book, but I was absolutely broke. My entire family was broke. So I went to my last resort, my dad and stepmom. My dad willingly agreed, saying he'll talk to my stepmom, whom also agrees. They buy it for me, and everythings good for a week. In the middle of the second week, all of a sudden it tells me I don't have access anymore.

..WHAT?!

Pissed off beyond belief, I texted my dad, and he gave me the number to call that came with the purchase. So I had my mom call, and we find out the teacher changed the book AFTER we already bought the other one. We'll be getting a refund in a few days. Okayyy. While I'm waiting, I think it best that he know that I'm deaf, that I can't hear the video's he's assigning and won't do very well because of that, and that if possible he could possibly get captions and/or assign me makeup work. He responds a day later, saying. "There's nothing I can do, just continue as you are." Basically, telling me to SUCK IT UP. Oh, I was so pissed. Then, then, three days go by with no refund, so my dad calls the credit card company. They GOT the refund, but because my stepmom was an idiot and got a fucking MANICURE without the right amount of money on the card, the refund went to an overlimit fee. So now, my dads upset, because he doesn't have the money to help me and he knows how stressed out I am. He begs me to please not cry, so I don't, and I tell him I'll work something out.

So, I resign myself that instead of getting my much-needed new cell-phone on the first of the month, I'll be getting that book and code. I e-mail the teacher, asking him for a two-day extension on my homework because I can't get the book until two days after it's due. I told him I'd have it in by noon on the second day, if he could just please give me the extension.

Nope.

He responds with the facts that it's not his problem, that 'luckily' for me, there's a book on reserve in the library on campus in Clearlake, that I can go get that. Mind you, Clearlake is FOUR HOURS AWAY, and i have less then twenty-four hours until that homework is due, which is worth 10% of my grade!! I started crying, i was so stressed, I couldn't handle it. My whole thing with this semester was to work my ass off and get my GPA up again, and I was already failing thanks to this ASSHOLE of a teacher. Now before you ask, no, there was no other classes available or if there was I would have switched immediately. I called my professor, whom has taught me from fourth grade up till a year ago, and she's furious. She's good friends with the dean, and a well respected teacher. She agrees to buy the book for me today, and that she's going to talk to the dean about this teacher, so luckily, that's solved.

As if the stress of school isn't bad enough.. we're TERRIBLY behind on bills, we have no money whatsoever. We had to take to selling some things to get food for dinner last week, and I haven't eaten in six days, actually, seven now. It's gotten to the point my stomach is just constantly churning and cramping, begging for something to be put in it. We have no water, no milk, no eggs, no bread, no butter, no juice, no soda, no cereal, no cheese, no NOTHING. All we have is tap water, which smells like rotten eggs and is tinted brown. We're two months behind on ALL OUR bills, credit people are up our asses, and we're just ultimately screwed.

Oh, and I broke up with DJ. Thats old news though.

My friends are always, always talking about the people they like, ranting and asking me for advice, telling me how they're flirting and touching and cuddling and blushing. I don't mind it, but today, when four of them all did it at the same time, it was too much to handle. My mood plummetted, I almost cried, I never,never felt so lonely in my damn life. I just wanted someone, anyone to have moments like that with.

Yet, somehow with all of this, I manage to be in a good mood now.
Weird, isn't it?
Maybe it's because I haven't slept yet, and its 7 am. Maybe it's cause I'm talking to my good friend Tippy and my new friend off Myspace. I dunno. It's weird.

Anyway, there's the update.

Any advice? Because really, I could use it...